“Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator
and ruler of my emotional destiny.” - Albert Ellis
Regardless of whether you identify as Aspergers, autistic, neurodivergent, or on the autism spectrum, you have the the power to create and control your own emotional destiny. We are not born with specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Nor do our environment or surroundings directly make us act or feel in a certain way.
Although our genetic makeup and social background can have a strong influence on our behavior, we have the ability to change our thoughts, feelings, and actions. While it may be helpful to discuss our past experiences and understand how our history might have influenced our lives, effective self-help strategies focus on the “here and now” problems and ways to improve your emotional well-being in the present.
Understanding your past experiences and how and when you first upset yourself are not critical to overcoming your anxiety and depression. Conventional insight, even when correct, will not tell you what really caused you to become upset or what you can do to overcome it. In fact, it may actually block effective problem-solving.
It is your present system of beliefs and ideas that are important, regardless of where they originated. So, no matter what your past history, or how your parents, teachers or significant others in your life may have helped you to feel upset, you continue to be upset because of the vicious cycle of unrealistic and unhelpful thoughts you originally held.
Step back and objectively examine your own ideas and beliefs and identify and question them. While it is impossible to change the behavior of others, you have the ability to control and change your own thoughts and behaviors. So, avoid thinking that your past is all important and that because someone or something at one time influenced your life, it must also determine your feelings and behavior today. If you let yourself be strongly influenced by the past, you will stop looking for alternative solutions to your current problems. When you unconditionally accept the influences of your past, you are being unrealistic because the present is significantly different from the past. Keep in mind that the past has passed and it has no automatic effect on your present and future behavior. You have the power to overcome your past and control your emotional destiny!
Adapted from Wilkinson, L. A. (2015). Overcoming Anxiety and Depression on the Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Lee A. Wilkinson, PhD, NCSP is a licensed and nationally certified school psychologist, registered psychologist, and certified cognitive-behavioral therapist. He provides consultation services and best practice guidance to school systems, agencies, advocacy groups, and professionals on a wide variety of topics related to children and youth with autism spectrum disorder. He is author of the award-winning books, A Best Practice Guide to Assessment and Intervention for Autism and Asperger Syndrome in Schools and Overcoming Anxiety on the Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT. He is also editor of a best-selling text in the APA School Psychology Book Series, Autism Spectrum Disorder in Children and Adolescents: Evidence-Based Assessment and Intervention in Schools. Dr. Wilkinson's latest book is A Best Practice Guide to Assessment and Intervention for Autism Spectrum Disorder in Schools (2nd Edition).
© 2018 Lee A. Wilkinson, PhD