“Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator
and ruler of my
emotional destiny.” - Albert Ellis
Regardless of
whether you identify as Aspergers, autistic, neurodivergent, or on the autism spectrum, you have the the power to create and control your own emotional
destiny. We are not born with specific thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Nor
do our environment or surroundings directly make us act or feel in a certain
way.
Although our
genetic makeup and social background can have a strong influence on our
behavior, we have the ability to change our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
While it may be helpful to discuss our past experiences and understand how our
history might have influenced our lives, effective self-help strategies focus
on the “here and now” problems and ways to improve your emotional well-being in
the present.
Understanding your
past experiences and how and when you first upset yourself are not critical to
overcoming your anxiety and depression. Conventional insight, even when
correct, will not tell you what really caused you to become upset or what you
can do to overcome it. In fact, it may actually block effective
problem-solving.
It is your present
system of beliefs and ideas that are important, regardless of where they
originated. So, no matter what your past history, or how your parents, teachers
or significant others in your life may have helped you to feel upset, you
continue to be upset because of the vicious cycle of unrealistic and unhelpful
thoughts you originally held.
Step back and
objectively examine your own ideas and beliefs and identify and question them.
While it is impossible to change the behavior of others, you have the ability
to control and change your own thoughts and behaviors. So, avoid thinking that
your past is all important and that because someone or something at one time
influenced your life, it must also determine your feelings and behavior today.
If you let yourself be strongly influenced by the past, you will stop looking
for alternative solutions to your current problems. When you unconditionally
accept the influences of your past, you are being unrealistic because the
present is significantly different from the past. Keep in mind that the past
has passed and it has no automatic effect on your present and future behavior.
You have the power to overcome your past and control your emotional destiny!
Adapted from
Wilkinson, L. A. (2015). Overcoming Anxiety and Depression on the
Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT. London
and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Lee A. Wilkinson, PhD, NCSP is
a licensed and nationally certified school psychologist, and certified cognitive-behavioral therapist. He is author of the award-winning books, A Best Practice Guide to
Assessment and Intervention for Autism and Asperger Syndrome in Schools and Overcoming Anxiety on the
Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT. He
is also editor of a text in the APA School Psychology Book
Series, Autism Spectrum Disorder in
Children and Adolescents: Evidence-Based Assessment and Intervention in Schools.
Dr. Wilkinson's latest book is A Best Practice Guide to
Assessment and Intervention for Autism Spectrum Disorder in Schools (2nd Edition).
© 2018 Lee A. Wilkinson, PhD
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